A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings
are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit!',
the Rottweiler ate her!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
things I thought I already knew, but learned this week
1. weekends go by way too fast.
2. I'm horrible at playing the drums, even when they're fake and I'm addicted.
3. I'm usually sharp when I sing, but sometimes I'm just way fucking off.
4. it's possible to confirm #3 when playing rockband 2, boogie, or karaoke revolution party.
5. loudmouth smells horrific.
6. it's a smell I've noticed before; however, this time I've noticed that her teeth have tell-tale white fuzz. I know she works every day, but jesus fucking christ, you don't have to come to school smelling like you haven't showered or brushed your teeth in three damn days.
7. great, now I've got that kidd rock & sheryl crowe song stuck in my head. fucking karaoke.
8. when I get into a bitchfest, it really gets unbearable. seriously, I can't even fucking stand myself right now.
9. the gums in my mouth quickly grow over broken teeth. and that just fucking sucks cuz I can't get into the dentist until at least friday, which means it's going to HURT like a mother fucker when it's extracted.
10. no matter how many times I look at rocks, they will still never go much past, "oh, that's a pretty rock." obviously, geology lab and that damn long test have gotten to me. *twitch*
11. so I scheduled an MRI for my back. I wish it were possible to bitchslap a person through the phone. "you're having low-back pain?" yes. "can you lie on your back completely flat for an hour while you're in the mri?" I'll be crying but I'll do it....? wtf do you think? how the hell do people get an MRI done of their back if they have that much pain? it just takes longer.
12. this place doesn't have an open MRI, so next week on thursday you'll get to hear all about it. I don't know if I'm *that* claustrophobic!
13. I believe it's good for me to skip language classes, even if it's just so I can get away from loudmouth once in a while.
14. skipping a class means that I do all my lagging homework for the class.
15. this might be why I'm having trouble catching up in english.
16. I find myself oddly looking forward to tuesdays and thursdays. gee, I wonder why.
17. I have been fucked over by the government yet again.
18. apparently, although your earnings from actual *work* are only $6,000 in a year, if you get a bulk back payment of disability, and then a grand a month afterwards, you no longer qualify for a federal pell grant.
19. if my monthly check pays rent and cable, my credit card bill, and one other payment, which leaves me with 50 bucks to put into savings, and 25 bucks to waste on junk food, where the hell do my hubby's pay checks go? I need to learn this for next week.
20. my car sounds like shit.
21. this week is not nearly as funny as last week.
22. three-year-olds who are stubborn about potty training are not as uncommon as I once believed.
23. just because most of the kids in my dad's family were potty trained by the age of 2 does not mean it's the normal thing, and I need to stop worrying and just let my kid be stubborn about it.
24. if he's still stubborn by the age of 4, blame it on the sperm.
25. hubby's best friend's kid is 4 already.
26. she's not potty trained.
27. hubby's best friend's wife blames hubby's best friend's stubbornness.
28. I checked. they're really not related.
2. I'm horrible at playing the drums, even when they're fake and I'm addicted.
3. I'm usually sharp when I sing, but sometimes I'm just way fucking off.
4. it's possible to confirm #3 when playing rockband 2, boogie, or karaoke revolution party.
5. loudmouth smells horrific.
6. it's a smell I've noticed before; however, this time I've noticed that her teeth have tell-tale white fuzz. I know she works every day, but jesus fucking christ, you don't have to come to school smelling like you haven't showered or brushed your teeth in three damn days.
7. great, now I've got that kidd rock & sheryl crowe song stuck in my head. fucking karaoke.
8. when I get into a bitchfest, it really gets unbearable. seriously, I can't even fucking stand myself right now.
9. the gums in my mouth quickly grow over broken teeth. and that just fucking sucks cuz I can't get into the dentist until at least friday, which means it's going to HURT like a mother fucker when it's extracted.
10. no matter how many times I look at rocks, they will still never go much past, "oh, that's a pretty rock." obviously, geology lab and that damn long test have gotten to me. *twitch*
11. so I scheduled an MRI for my back. I wish it were possible to bitchslap a person through the phone. "you're having low-back pain?" yes. "can you lie on your back completely flat for an hour while you're in the mri?" I'll be crying but I'll do it....? wtf do you think? how the hell do people get an MRI done of their back if they have that much pain? it just takes longer.
12. this place doesn't have an open MRI, so next week on thursday you'll get to hear all about it. I don't know if I'm *that* claustrophobic!
13. I believe it's good for me to skip language classes, even if it's just so I can get away from loudmouth once in a while.
14. skipping a class means that I do all my lagging homework for the class.
15. this might be why I'm having trouble catching up in english.
16. I find myself oddly looking forward to tuesdays and thursdays. gee, I wonder why.
17. I have been fucked over by the government yet again.
18. apparently, although your earnings from actual *work* are only $6,000 in a year, if you get a bulk back payment of disability, and then a grand a month afterwards, you no longer qualify for a federal pell grant.
19. if my monthly check pays rent and cable, my credit card bill, and one other payment, which leaves me with 50 bucks to put into savings, and 25 bucks to waste on junk food, where the hell do my hubby's pay checks go? I need to learn this for next week.
20. my car sounds like shit.
21. this week is not nearly as funny as last week.
22. three-year-olds who are stubborn about potty training are not as uncommon as I once believed.
23. just because most of the kids in my dad's family were potty trained by the age of 2 does not mean it's the normal thing, and I need to stop worrying and just let my kid be stubborn about it.
24. if he's still stubborn by the age of 4, blame it on the sperm.
25. hubby's best friend's kid is 4 already.
26. she's not potty trained.
27. hubby's best friend's wife blames hubby's best friend's stubbornness.
28. I checked. they're really not related.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
mac of lark
it's wednesday. wacky wandom quote day.
"I want to put a ding in the universe"
~Steve Jobs
~Steve Jobs
and with Wall-E that might be possible.
thank you for giving him the ding...
and thank you for making sure bill gates didn't get to have all the fun.
thank you for giving him the ding...
and thank you for making sure bill gates didn't get to have all the fun.
gods, I want a mac.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
a calm fork
hoy es martes. lettuce talk tv, time travel, and teleportation per my theme arrangement.
this week there was no new Desperate Housewives. I think there's a new one next week, but I can't wait to see what Orson does about making less money than Andrew. Bree says Andrew deserves the money, but I think she's still trying to just keep the boys close to her instead of moving closer to Andrew's boyfriend's mom. She's so conniving, I love her.
this week's Chuck was exciting as always, but I wish that Chuck would just get it over with and tell Sarah he loves her for realz. I feel bad for poor Morgan, now that Chuck has to move in with Sarah for 24/7 security lockdown.
do I dare even speak of Heroes? WOW, what an episode. The only thing I hate about this show, is having to wait until next week.
CSI: Miami, and Medium are still on my DVR to catch up on later.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could travel back in time, I would want to go to the caveman days and show those women how to boss around the men.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wouldn't it be nice to be able to teleport? it sure would save a lot of time on driving, and all that extra pollution we put out into the world.
speaking of the world, I've been considering going vegetarian. I just can't get past the part where I have to give up bacon and sushi.
so, sometime this week, here's a vegetarian recipe I want to try:
Lentil Rice Vegetable Loaf
this week there was no new Desperate Housewives. I think there's a new one next week, but I can't wait to see what Orson does about making less money than Andrew. Bree says Andrew deserves the money, but I think she's still trying to just keep the boys close to her instead of moving closer to Andrew's boyfriend's mom. She's so conniving, I love her.
this week's Chuck was exciting as always, but I wish that Chuck would just get it over with and tell Sarah he loves her for realz. I feel bad for poor Morgan, now that Chuck has to move in with Sarah for 24/7 security lockdown.
do I dare even speak of Heroes? WOW, what an episode. The only thing I hate about this show, is having to wait until next week.
CSI: Miami, and Medium are still on my DVR to catch up on later.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could travel back in time, I would want to go to the caveman days and show those women how to boss around the men.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wouldn't it be nice to be able to teleport? it sure would save a lot of time on driving, and all that extra pollution we put out into the world.
speaking of the world, I've been considering going vegetarian. I just can't get past the part where I have to give up bacon and sushi.
so, sometime this week, here's a vegetarian recipe I want to try:
Lentil Rice Vegetable Loaf
tag, tag, you aren't it:
teleportation,
television,
time travel,
vegetarian recipe
Sunday, March 1, 2009
weekend report
okay, I never thought I would say this... but rockband 2 is pretty awesome. we have a wii, you see, and I always thought it wasn't for me. so then I thought, "hey, it'll be like karaoke." oh no no! I'm addicted to drumming.
so if I start to bitch about my homework not being done, please remind me to stop playing wii and do it instead of bitch.
there's not much else to report for the weekend, aside from a gratuitous amount of bitchiness, which hopefully, of course, means it's almost that wonderful time of the month again where all I want to subsist on is chocolate and salt.
so if I start to bitch about my homework not being done, please remind me to stop playing wii and do it instead of bitch.
there's not much else to report for the weekend, aside from a gratuitous amount of bitchiness, which hopefully, of course, means it's almost that wonderful time of the month again where all I want to subsist on is chocolate and salt.
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