up to speed, down with snuff

I'm totally tired of being fat. completely, utterly SICK of it. in fact, I've had nothing but digestion troubles for the past two weeks. so, literally sick.

I can't diet when someone else in the house buys whatever he wants, and it's such gloriously bad food that tastes so damn good. I do my part. I cook from scratch at least once a week now, ALWAYS on meatless mondays. last week was pizza with whole wheat crust good enough to fool the fool. this week was pasta al fresco with fresh, gorgeous tomatoes, and fresh, real mozzarella. I didn't have time to make whole wheat pasta, or I would have.

sadly, the fool said the pasta was too al dente for him. tough shit, I say. it was fucking good. I'm thinking about adding some spinach and a bit of leaf lettuce and taking out the noodles for lunch today, because that just sounds demishus.

saturday I received money from the government. they have finished processing my disability retirement, and sent me the catch-up payments. the car is being fixed one weekend at a time. the external damage will have to wait until fall semester's student loan. I can now pay for summer school, so one less thing for the fool to complain about.

yeah, that's some good news. now for some not-so-good. the first year of retirement, retirees receive 80% of the current base pay for their old job. every year after that, is only 40%. so yeah, ouch -- pay cut. talked that over with the fool, and it's likely that we will be fine money-wise for a bit.

part of the reason it's much less pay, is that I'm now paying for health insurance. you know, the blue cross/blue shield that I've had since before I got married... even though I was offered COBRA and couldn't afford it, so we got married instead... good news there, though, really. I can submit everything from the past 2 years to bcbs and see what I can get back.

other good news about having this health insurance FOR SURE... I'm having gastric bypass. as early as july. and my deductible is only $600. I know it's not an easy fix. I know it's going to be hard. It's going to be emotional. and the fool is worried that in four years, when I'm all hot-looking, I'm going to dump his sorry ass. I make no guarantees, but if he doesn't SUPPORT me while I'm going through this, that might come before four years. (the four years came from my cousin's experiences, since she's now going through divorce after she's lost 200 pounds.) he has to stop talking me into eating poorly, or he will make me sick. he needs to understand this is a LIFESTYLE change, and that eating and choosing foods will NEVER be the same again... and it is something that will benefit our family, not just me. but he has to be on board with me.

this fall is going to be tough, but I'm ready for a good challenge. 13 credit hours, five days a week at school. little monster is going to be in preschool, since he's finally gotten the potty training deal (for the most part, and I'm confident when he's around other kids that use the potty, he'll be perfect). which will then leave room for me to get a part time job for a bit of extra cash. I'm only willing to work 15 hours per week, and only at a store that could benefit me. like torrid, target, or michaels. just think, if I worked at torrid, I could totally get my underwear for cheap. plus, if I'm going to be losing a lot of weight, I'll need deals on good clothes! and I looooooove shopping at torrid!! even if it's just seasonal. :)

summer is approaching. the unheated pools need to warm up. I need to get more active, and the best place is in a pool! no, really, the pain clinic guy told me it's best at my weight to only do aquatic exercising.

today's BMI: 51.6