Friday, March 13, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
things I thought I already knew, but learned this week
1. I'm not pregnant, so long as that pee stick wasn't defective.
2. I stress out, and feel the need to pee on sticks about two or three times a year.
3. I shudder at the fact that I might end up with loudmouth in more classes next school year. whiskey tango foxtrot, why did she go and change her major to mine?
4. little boys who play hard, crash hard.
5. there is nothing quite as precious as the love of a child.
6. pets make people happier persons.
7. it would be nice to have enough money to clear up my credit and get a house.
8. I need a house with a yard.
9. what I really need, is a house with a yard and enough money for furnishing the damn place how I want.
10. so, in short, what I really need, is a house in a good school district with a yard, pool is not necessary but a plus (even if it's a community pool), and about $50,000 for interior design.
11. I wouldn't hire anyone to do interior design for me.
12. when a handsome little man asks you to "build a twack," you have to stop blogging and go play! stay young!
2. I stress out, and feel the need to pee on sticks about two or three times a year.
3. I shudder at the fact that I might end up with loudmouth in more classes next school year. whiskey tango foxtrot, why did she go and change her major to mine?
4. little boys who play hard, crash hard.
5. there is nothing quite as precious as the love of a child.
6. pets make people happier persons.
7. it would be nice to have enough money to clear up my credit and get a house.
8. I need a house with a yard.
9. what I really need, is a house with a yard and enough money for furnishing the damn place how I want.
10. so, in short, what I really need, is a house in a good school district with a yard, pool is not necessary but a plus (even if it's a community pool), and about $50,000 for interior design.
11. I wouldn't hire anyone to do interior design for me.
12. when a handsome little man asks you to "build a twack," you have to stop blogging and go play! stay young!
roam, calf, k?
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West (1892 - 1980), Klondike Annie (1936 film)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
laughter
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings
are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit!',
the Rottweiler ate her!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit!',
the Rottweiler ate her!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
things I thought I already knew, but learned this week
1. weekends go by way too fast.
2. I'm horrible at playing the drums, even when they're fake and I'm addicted.
3. I'm usually sharp when I sing, but sometimes I'm just way fucking off.
4. it's possible to confirm #3 when playing rockband 2, boogie, or karaoke revolution party.
5. loudmouth smells horrific.
6. it's a smell I've noticed before; however, this time I've noticed that her teeth have tell-tale white fuzz. I know she works every day, but jesus fucking christ, you don't have to come to school smelling like you haven't showered or brushed your teeth in three damn days.
7. great, now I've got that kidd rock & sheryl crowe song stuck in my head. fucking karaoke.
8. when I get into a bitchfest, it really gets unbearable. seriously, I can't even fucking stand myself right now.
9. the gums in my mouth quickly grow over broken teeth. and that just fucking sucks cuz I can't get into the dentist until at least friday, which means it's going to HURT like a mother fucker when it's extracted.
10. no matter how many times I look at rocks, they will still never go much past, "oh, that's a pretty rock." obviously, geology lab and that damn long test have gotten to me. *twitch*
11. so I scheduled an MRI for my back. I wish it were possible to bitchslap a person through the phone. "you're having low-back pain?" yes. "can you lie on your back completely flat for an hour while you're in the mri?" I'll be crying but I'll do it....? wtf do you think? how the hell do people get an MRI done of their back if they have that much pain? it just takes longer.
12. this place doesn't have an open MRI, so next week on thursday you'll get to hear all about it. I don't know if I'm *that* claustrophobic!
13. I believe it's good for me to skip language classes, even if it's just so I can get away from loudmouth once in a while.
14. skipping a class means that I do all my lagging homework for the class.
15. this might be why I'm having trouble catching up in english.
16. I find myself oddly looking forward to tuesdays and thursdays. gee, I wonder why.
17. I have been fucked over by the government yet again.
18. apparently, although your earnings from actual *work* are only $6,000 in a year, if you get a bulk back payment of disability, and then a grand a month afterwards, you no longer qualify for a federal pell grant.
19. if my monthly check pays rent and cable, my credit card bill, and one other payment, which leaves me with 50 bucks to put into savings, and 25 bucks to waste on junk food, where the hell do my hubby's pay checks go? I need to learn this for next week.
20. my car sounds like shit.
21. this week is not nearly as funny as last week.
22. three-year-olds who are stubborn about potty training are not as uncommon as I once believed.
23. just because most of the kids in my dad's family were potty trained by the age of 2 does not mean it's the normal thing, and I need to stop worrying and just let my kid be stubborn about it.
24. if he's still stubborn by the age of 4, blame it on the sperm.
25. hubby's best friend's kid is 4 already.
26. she's not potty trained.
27. hubby's best friend's wife blames hubby's best friend's stubbornness.
28. I checked. they're really not related.
2. I'm horrible at playing the drums, even when they're fake and I'm addicted.
3. I'm usually sharp when I sing, but sometimes I'm just way fucking off.
4. it's possible to confirm #3 when playing rockband 2, boogie, or karaoke revolution party.
5. loudmouth smells horrific.
6. it's a smell I've noticed before; however, this time I've noticed that her teeth have tell-tale white fuzz. I know she works every day, but jesus fucking christ, you don't have to come to school smelling like you haven't showered or brushed your teeth in three damn days.
7. great, now I've got that kidd rock & sheryl crowe song stuck in my head. fucking karaoke.
8. when I get into a bitchfest, it really gets unbearable. seriously, I can't even fucking stand myself right now.
9. the gums in my mouth quickly grow over broken teeth. and that just fucking sucks cuz I can't get into the dentist until at least friday, which means it's going to HURT like a mother fucker when it's extracted.
10. no matter how many times I look at rocks, they will still never go much past, "oh, that's a pretty rock." obviously, geology lab and that damn long test have gotten to me. *twitch*
11. so I scheduled an MRI for my back. I wish it were possible to bitchslap a person through the phone. "you're having low-back pain?" yes. "can you lie on your back completely flat for an hour while you're in the mri?" I'll be crying but I'll do it....? wtf do you think? how the hell do people get an MRI done of their back if they have that much pain? it just takes longer.
12. this place doesn't have an open MRI, so next week on thursday you'll get to hear all about it. I don't know if I'm *that* claustrophobic!
13. I believe it's good for me to skip language classes, even if it's just so I can get away from loudmouth once in a while.
14. skipping a class means that I do all my lagging homework for the class.
15. this might be why I'm having trouble catching up in english.
16. I find myself oddly looking forward to tuesdays and thursdays. gee, I wonder why.
17. I have been fucked over by the government yet again.
18. apparently, although your earnings from actual *work* are only $6,000 in a year, if you get a bulk back payment of disability, and then a grand a month afterwards, you no longer qualify for a federal pell grant.
19. if my monthly check pays rent and cable, my credit card bill, and one other payment, which leaves me with 50 bucks to put into savings, and 25 bucks to waste on junk food, where the hell do my hubby's pay checks go? I need to learn this for next week.
20. my car sounds like shit.
21. this week is not nearly as funny as last week.
22. three-year-olds who are stubborn about potty training are not as uncommon as I once believed.
23. just because most of the kids in my dad's family were potty trained by the age of 2 does not mean it's the normal thing, and I need to stop worrying and just let my kid be stubborn about it.
24. if he's still stubborn by the age of 4, blame it on the sperm.
25. hubby's best friend's kid is 4 already.
26. she's not potty trained.
27. hubby's best friend's wife blames hubby's best friend's stubbornness.
28. I checked. they're really not related.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
mac of lark
it's wednesday. wacky wandom quote day.
"I want to put a ding in the universe"
~Steve Jobs
~Steve Jobs
and with Wall-E that might be possible.
thank you for giving him the ding...
and thank you for making sure bill gates didn't get to have all the fun.
thank you for giving him the ding...
and thank you for making sure bill gates didn't get to have all the fun.
gods, I want a mac.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
a calm fork
hoy es martes. lettuce talk tv, time travel, and teleportation per my theme arrangement.
this week there was no new Desperate Housewives. I think there's a new one next week, but I can't wait to see what Orson does about making less money than Andrew. Bree says Andrew deserves the money, but I think she's still trying to just keep the boys close to her instead of moving closer to Andrew's boyfriend's mom. She's so conniving, I love her.
this week's Chuck was exciting as always, but I wish that Chuck would just get it over with and tell Sarah he loves her for realz. I feel bad for poor Morgan, now that Chuck has to move in with Sarah for 24/7 security lockdown.
do I dare even speak of Heroes? WOW, what an episode. The only thing I hate about this show, is having to wait until next week.
CSI: Miami, and Medium are still on my DVR to catch up on later.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could travel back in time, I would want to go to the caveman days and show those women how to boss around the men.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wouldn't it be nice to be able to teleport? it sure would save a lot of time on driving, and all that extra pollution we put out into the world.
speaking of the world, I've been considering going vegetarian. I just can't get past the part where I have to give up bacon and sushi.
so, sometime this week, here's a vegetarian recipe I want to try:
Lentil Rice Vegetable Loaf
this week there was no new Desperate Housewives. I think there's a new one next week, but I can't wait to see what Orson does about making less money than Andrew. Bree says Andrew deserves the money, but I think she's still trying to just keep the boys close to her instead of moving closer to Andrew's boyfriend's mom. She's so conniving, I love her.
this week's Chuck was exciting as always, but I wish that Chuck would just get it over with and tell Sarah he loves her for realz. I feel bad for poor Morgan, now that Chuck has to move in with Sarah for 24/7 security lockdown.
do I dare even speak of Heroes? WOW, what an episode. The only thing I hate about this show, is having to wait until next week.
CSI: Miami, and Medium are still on my DVR to catch up on later.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could travel back in time, I would want to go to the caveman days and show those women how to boss around the men.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wouldn't it be nice to be able to teleport? it sure would save a lot of time on driving, and all that extra pollution we put out into the world.
speaking of the world, I've been considering going vegetarian. I just can't get past the part where I have to give up bacon and sushi.
so, sometime this week, here's a vegetarian recipe I want to try:
Lentil Rice Vegetable Loaf
Sunday, March 1, 2009
weekend report
okay, I never thought I would say this... but rockband 2 is pretty awesome. we have a wii, you see, and I always thought it wasn't for me. so then I thought, "hey, it'll be like karaoke." oh no no! I'm addicted to drumming.
so if I start to bitch about my homework not being done, please remind me to stop playing wii and do it instead of bitch.
there's not much else to report for the weekend, aside from a gratuitous amount of bitchiness, which hopefully, of course, means it's almost that wonderful time of the month again where all I want to subsist on is chocolate and salt.
so if I start to bitch about my homework not being done, please remind me to stop playing wii and do it instead of bitch.
there's not much else to report for the weekend, aside from a gratuitous amount of bitchiness, which hopefully, of course, means it's almost that wonderful time of the month again where all I want to subsist on is chocolate and salt.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
things I thought I already knew, but learned this week
1. when it comes to leftovers, if they're not in the front of the fridge or the top shelf, I don't see them.
2. I honestly believe this stems from seeing ghostbusters too many times as a kid.
3. I don't like having big trees in front of my house, or near my window.
4. I'd like to have the tree out front chopped down before the leaves can tough the roof.
5. this weird thing started from seeing poltergeist too many times as a kid.
6. no matter how many times you tell a man something, he only hears what he wants to hear.
7. I'm sure there's a movie that coincides with that.
8. sometimes, moms who are in playgroups, really don't give a flying fuck about your kid, only theirs.
9. girl scout cookies are guilt free and contain no calories, because the money you are using to obtain them is considered a donation.
10. I *can* and *will* eat two boxes of tagalongs thinking that they have no caloric value.
11. yes. at one sitting. or while driving home from going to pick them up. if you can consider that a sitting.
12. technically, I'm sitting when I'm driving.
13. three-year-olds have a unique perspective on the world, and one should never discount anything a three-year-old has to say.
14. it's really hard not to giggle when they say "shit titties," but really are trying to say "six fishies."
15. people with loud mouths and adhd should not be allowed to take language classes, especially when they already know everything in the class material.
16. I am taking spanish for the easy a.
17. I am also realizing how much spanish I've forgotten since high school.
18. I get easily annoyed by loud people with adhd.
19. I should rephrase, because it's more or less the "adults" who annoy me more than a child.
20. lab classes with a loud mouth who has adhd is a bad, bad, bad thing.
21. when it comes to a lab class in geology, it is considered polite to share the rocks.
22. apparently, my redirection skills come in handy in geology lab skills with loud-mouthed people who have adhd, because I think I moved that god damn box of rocks 17 times back to the middle of the table.
23. it has just dawned on me that the way I deal with loud-mouth adhd adults can be construed as condescending. but really, I'm not treating them much different than a child, so I fail to see the real link there.
24. taking psychology online has its disadvantages. like being boring.
25. taking psychology online has its advantages. like being able to get 100% on every quiz because of a glitch that only occurs with firefox.
26. I heart firefox!!!
27. taking english online is meh. it is not bad, it is not good, it just is.
28. I think that if someone who does not already have a decent grasp of the english language were to take an english class online, that person might have problems.
29. husbands exist solely for insurance purposes. this must be so, as mine has not taught my son anything but bad habits. like the word "ain't" and how to chew his nails. and trust me, the sex has gone downhill since conception, and should therefore not be considered a purpose.
30. ducks and geese should not eat bread, or anything with yeast.
31. a 50 lb bag of poultry feed costs 15 bucks.
32. I have no idea where to hide a 50 lb bag of poultry feed so that a certain someone doesn't get upset for me spending 15 fucking dollars on something to make a difference, one small ducky at a time.
33. but apparently it's okay to eat fast food every day. that money doesn't count as not well-spent.
34. I'm buying the fucking duck food anyway.
35. there is no dana, only zuul.
2. I honestly believe this stems from seeing ghostbusters too many times as a kid.
3. I don't like having big trees in front of my house, or near my window.
4. I'd like to have the tree out front chopped down before the leaves can tough the roof.
5. this weird thing started from seeing poltergeist too many times as a kid.
6. no matter how many times you tell a man something, he only hears what he wants to hear.
7. I'm sure there's a movie that coincides with that.
8. sometimes, moms who are in playgroups, really don't give a flying fuck about your kid, only theirs.
9. girl scout cookies are guilt free and contain no calories, because the money you are using to obtain them is considered a donation.
10. I *can* and *will* eat two boxes of tagalongs thinking that they have no caloric value.
11. yes. at one sitting. or while driving home from going to pick them up. if you can consider that a sitting.
12. technically, I'm sitting when I'm driving.
13. three-year-olds have a unique perspective on the world, and one should never discount anything a three-year-old has to say.
14. it's really hard not to giggle when they say "shit titties," but really are trying to say "six fishies."
15. people with loud mouths and adhd should not be allowed to take language classes, especially when they already know everything in the class material.
16. I am taking spanish for the easy a.
17. I am also realizing how much spanish I've forgotten since high school.
18. I get easily annoyed by loud people with adhd.
19. I should rephrase, because it's more or less the "adults" who annoy me more than a child.
20. lab classes with a loud mouth who has adhd is a bad, bad, bad thing.
21. when it comes to a lab class in geology, it is considered polite to share the rocks.
22. apparently, my redirection skills come in handy in geology lab skills with loud-mouthed people who have adhd, because I think I moved that god damn box of rocks 17 times back to the middle of the table.
23. it has just dawned on me that the way I deal with loud-mouth adhd adults can be construed as condescending. but really, I'm not treating them much different than a child, so I fail to see the real link there.
24. taking psychology online has its disadvantages. like being boring.
25. taking psychology online has its advantages. like being able to get 100% on every quiz because of a glitch that only occurs with firefox.
26. I heart firefox!!!
27. taking english online is meh. it is not bad, it is not good, it just is.
28. I think that if someone who does not already have a decent grasp of the english language were to take an english class online, that person might have problems.
29. husbands exist solely for insurance purposes. this must be so, as mine has not taught my son anything but bad habits. like the word "ain't" and how to chew his nails. and trust me, the sex has gone downhill since conception, and should therefore not be considered a purpose.
30. ducks and geese should not eat bread, or anything with yeast.
31. a 50 lb bag of poultry feed costs 15 bucks.
32. I have no idea where to hide a 50 lb bag of poultry feed so that a certain someone doesn't get upset for me spending 15 fucking dollars on something to make a difference, one small ducky at a time.
33. but apparently it's okay to eat fast food every day. that money doesn't count as not well-spent.
34. I'm buying the fucking duck food anyway.
35. there is no dana, only zuul.
form - a lack
wow. blogging changed in like three years. you people have themes. I feel compelled to conform. so now, there will be no lack a'form here. "monday, hot dog. tuesday, taco. wednesday, hamburgers and chocolate milk. thursday, sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. friday was pizza day, the best day of the week..." (these lyrics lovingly borrowed from the aquabats)
sunday... weekend report
monday... the mundane, the monotonous, and the merriment, and what the fuck it has to do with ME.
tuesday... time travel, teleportation, and prime time television
wednesday... wacky wandom quotes (but never from john heisman because his people will pop up outta nowhere like a virtual ninja and sue your ass if you didn't get permission first)
thursday... things I learned this week.
friday... free form
saturday... douglas adams day. don't panic and remember your towel.
sunday... weekend report
monday... the mundane, the monotonous, and the merriment, and what the fuck it has to do with ME.
tuesday... time travel, teleportation, and prime time television
wednesday... wacky wandom quotes (but never from john heisman because his people will pop up outta nowhere like a virtual ninja and sue your ass if you didn't get permission first)
thursday... things I learned this week.
friday... free form
saturday... douglas adams day. don't panic and remember your towel.
alack form
sometimes, I've noticed that setting up blog layouts to my liking can be a bitch and a half. it's kind of odd, because I see it as a slightly artistic thing. it is not every day that I feel the need to artistically express myself. yet, I firmly believe that I should find my blog appealing in that sense.
thus far, I find the template options lacking. and for some reason, my remembrance of html is also lacking. thusly, my form is off.
no capitalization aside from I, you ask? that's right. it's an artist/writer thing. I don't expect those without a clear understanding to understand.
thus far, I find the template options lacking. and for some reason, my remembrance of html is also lacking. thusly, my form is off.
no capitalization aside from I, you ask? that's right. it's an artist/writer thing. I don't expect those without a clear understanding to understand.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
lacko fram
hai. this is only the beginning. with luck, never ending, until I've pissed my pants laughing.
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